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31 December 2009 @ 01:13 pm
it's new years eve, and, as of tomorrow, i will have lived in portland for a full year.

while 2009 was a rough year in a lot of ways (like health care) it was a good year for me personally. i met new people and made new friends, while reconnecting with old ones and forming stronger friendships. i spent a lot of time out of my comfort zone, whether that meant a booth at the clackamas country fair in canby (the best of all my fair experiences this summer) or the month i lived at old hell house with three boys, sarah, and spiders. getting involved with planned parenthood is one of the best things that i could have done. not only did it introduced me to some amazing people, it helped me further figure out what i'm passionate about and what i want to do with my life.

i think back to last fall, when michelle tea gave me a tarot card reading. i wanted to know what living in portland was going to be like, and she/the cards read that it would be a good move, that i'd go through a period where i had to create a new structure, but in the end it would be good for me. maybe it was just a self fulfilling prophecy (i don't really believe in tarot cards or things like that, but i believed in the significance of that experience). this was a good year, a good move.

this next year i want to try to be braver, bolder. to create something i can be proud of and call my own. to form stronger bonds with people, and to kick ass with the lat (it is an election year after all). i'm going to turn my anger into political power, learn to play the ukulele, and maybe figure out what that fuck i'm doing education-wise.

oh, and dance parties! no matter what year it is, there will be dance parties.
Music: Matt & Kim - Lessons Learned | Powered by Last.fm
13 December 2009 @ 11:37 am
every once in a while, when i'm sitting in my bedroom, i hear what sounds like someone running around. i'm sure it's the little kid downstairs, but each time, for a split second, i think it's my roommate. really unlikely, but stranger things have happened. i still can't explain the occasional heavy beats that come from my neighbors apartment. on weekday mornings.
Music: St. Vincent - The Neighbors | Powered by Last.fm
11 November 2009 @ 02:43 pm
i want to talk to my dad about options for this winter, for taking time off school. just vent about the lack of a job market, and figure out what i can do so i can simultaneously be in portland and not be going to school. but every time we have that conversation, i start crying at one point, or want to cry, so i just shut up and shut down. i hate crying, especially in front of other people, so i don't bring it up.

this is probably reflective on my life as a whole.
Music: Page France - Cancer Free | Powered by Last.fm
05 August 2009 @ 11:27 am
I've been doing a lot of healing. Thinking about where I've com from, where I am, where I'm going. Lots of learning to be an adult. Last night was wonderful. It just helped me discover things and think things over. I'm figuring it all out, and last night really helped with the journey.
25 July 2009 @ 10:23 am
today's challenge:

get my aunt and uncle to offer letting me stay with them for a bit while i find a new place. my housing saga has gone from stressful to confusing and whack. if i succeed, i'll get to stay in a nice victorian in se portland next to the max with a clean kitchen and well stocked fridge. if not, i'll be spending time with some guy friends in beverton (they call their house the hell house). not that that'd be bad or anything, i'd just prefer to impose on my conveniently located family, that's all.

i also need to go to the storage place, potentially start moving shit, get gas, attempt flirting, write a paper and study for a test.

ready saturday? i'm coming to kick your ass!
03 July 2009 @ 12:49 am
Detective Olivia Benson is totally one of the reasons I am the feminist I am today.
from father's day to this last monday, i was having a crazy ass week where i was sick, homesick, crying, freaking out about classes, broke, drunk, and in the emergency room, worrying about maybe being homeless for a bit. since monday, when we found out we can stay in our current place for a another month (!) I've calmed down, felt better. i'm only taking political science this summer, and i absolutely love the class. planned parenthood is getting more involved, but everyone i'm working with is super nice and super cool, so it's an absolute pleasure. longtime volunteers are the nicest people you will ever meet.

also! got to kick it with a friend of mine who recently got kicked out of boot camp, and is now pack in the pacific north west for a while. also got to kick it with nicest-person-ever and future roommate monica. i came out to her and it was totally cool.

the internship has been fantastic. marching in the parade and tabling at pride were two of the most positive experiences i've ever had. and crowd canvasing in lake owsego wasn't that bad. i feel like i've created a bond with pretty everyone i'm working with already, and grassroots organization is incredibly empowering. it teaches you how to empower others, and you feel like you've made a a difference. it's the best thing ever. oh! and a picture of me is going out in the ppan newsletter.

it's from prideCollapse )

So things have been good, and are getting better. portland has been good to me.
25 June 2009 @ 10:30 am
one roommate left that house around 6 this morning, and the other is still asleep. we have 5 days until we move out, and we haven't received word on whether or not we got the house we applied for. this is kind problematic, since i'm not planning on going back to seaside until the 3rd. but, considering how my spot in one of my classes was given to someone else. i wasn't there, because i got sick, again, while visiting my dad in seaside, and had to see my doctor. so yeah, i guess i fucked myself over. but i'm going to try to find someone to stay with, just in case, and maybe i can bring some of my shit down to seaside.

june is such a bitch-ass month
28 May 2009 @ 10:01 pm
if i ever feel like i'm going crazy and going to loose it, i'm going to pull and emily dickenson. i'll stay in my house, maybe have a nice garden in my back yard that i'll weed and water. most of my time will probably be spent writing. writing stories, writing poems, writing letters. i will totally receive guests, with few exceptions (family members come to question my sanity, checking in on my to see if i'm still lucid). but most guests will be welcome. i'll make coffee or tea, maybe some scones. if it's nice, we'll sit outside by the garden. we'll talk. talk about art, about nature, about writings and readings we've done. no gossip, no politics. we'll talk about nothing if we have to, because you can say so much when you're saying nothing. it'll be nice.

so, if you ever hear that i've lost it and become a shut it, that's what happened. it'll probably be temporary, nothing more than a self prescribed rest treatment with more freedom. but feel free to write. we'lll set up a time where you can come by.
Music: M. Ward - Epistemology | Powered by Last.fm
22 May 2009 @ 10:30 pm
Should I take Philosophy of Religion this fall? Let's weigh the pros and cons, shall we?

-I like religious studies
-Fits nicely into my schedule
-I like theory
-Seems like a class that will keep my interest all term

-There's totally going to be people in that class who are atheists with a point to prove. Not to offend any atheists out there, but nothing pisses me off like an atheist who has to prove that they are right and anyone who believes in God is wrong. I understand there's some pretty intense religious people out there, but they don't make up the majority of people who have a spirituality or religion; they're just loud. So stop trying to make me feel like a dumb ass and let me believe what I want to believe.

Does the con outweigh the pros? I don't know.
04 May 2009 @ 10:06 pm
So I had an anxiety attack at work Saturday. I was the only one working, so I just had to deal with it. I left early and drove back to Portland. Around North Plains I started crying. By the time I got to Target I'd calmed down. Once home I took a hit and calmed down.

Seaside isn't a good place for me.
27 April 2009 @ 03:38 pm
Dear American Apparel,

No! No. We do not bring scrunchies back. No.

Not like you've made a lot of good choices as a company or anything, but come on.

23 April 2009 @ 09:50 pm
I raised hella money for Planned Parenthood tonight.

Who's a fuckin' pro choice rock star?

This kid!
13 April 2009 @ 03:43 pm
Inspired by my friend Olivia, here is my list of things that are Sexy, but not Sexual:

-Henna'ed hair in sunlight
-Storms over the ocean, in the distance
-Big glasses paired with septum piercings
-Good cooks cooking from scratch without a cookbook
-Sunlight that slips through the thick branches of tall trees and makes its way to the forest floor
-The wail of a train in the distance
-Places with lots of blue, green, and grey
-Cat stretches
-Sitting on the hood of a car at night, smoking, in a place where you won't run in to anyone you know
-A dark, cloudy sky over a brilliant, blue ocean
-Astoria, Oregon
-Bare feet on hardwood floors
-People getting excited about books
-People dancing when they don't care how they look or who is watching
-Coffee+cigarettes+book or writing journal
-Writing journals
11 April 2009 @ 11:25 am
Reason number 17:
Cheap and delicious food within walking distance.

I'm speaking specifically of Flavour, a waffle kiosk, and King Burrito. At Flavour they give the waffle to you folded in half like a sandwich with delicious fillings, like nutella or peanut bitter and jelly. I'm noshing on a sweet cream and jam waffle as I write this.

King Burrito is mildly sketch in a "maybe i shouldn't eat the meat" way. But it's delicious and super cheep. I got two tacos and an horchata for $3.50, and a bean and cheese burrito for less than three dollars. And it's less than a block away. Fuck to the yes.
06 April 2009 @ 08:54 pm
I'm on twitter now. because i spend a lot of time bored, waiting for the max. want to follow me? go to https://twitter.com/greencoffeemug.

Music: Mirah--The Light
29 March 2009 @ 11:59 am
I got an internship at Planned Parenthood. A grassroots field organizer internship. I might get to march in Portland pride as part of that internship. fuck to the yes.

I finished The Purity Myth. I highly recommend it to everyone.

And I'm starting to see someone.

Things are good right now.